The Truth About Love
As a young fool, filled with resentment and no love, I once learned to despise my father and loved only my mother. This is an unfortunate fact. It is also a terrible truth. There came a time in my life when I had more bitterness for my father at a time when we both desperately needed to be loved by the other. This is the truth.
The truth lives in the light. Facts can convince a man that the darkness has many faces. That the pain inside the heart justifies hate, revenge without remorse. Facts can convince a man that there are only two choices in every struggle, a simple choice between two evils. Facts can lead a man down the path of darkness with a smile on his soul. But love is the truth that never fails. Love stills covers a multitude of sins.
Facts can be weighted, but love has the power to bear all things. How I wish the younger me had chosen more truth over facts, chosen healing over hate. I might have loved my father better. I certainly would have loved him more. Would have forgiven him more easily. The man had his faults, made many bad and terrible mistakes. Forgiving him was hard but loving him should have been the easy choice. If only I had called him one more time on the telephone just to talk. Then I would have less pain in my heart now that he is gone. I would have less regret each time I think about him. I am ashamed of the younger me. A man cannot make peace with the grave, not even one arrayed with a beautiful headstone. I get sad when I think about all that I have lost.
My father came to visit in America in 2004. He came along with my cousin Edmore and we visited for a time while he was staying in Dallas with my brother Farayi. I had the chance to mend things with him then, but I did not. Sadly, I do not remember much from this time period. My bitterness from the pain he had brought into my life me blinded me. I was very proud of myself and quietly hoped that he was impressed with how I had turned out. I acted not like a son should have. In truth, I was a lost soul, a coward, and a fool.
When I left Zimbabwe for life in the United States my father had only one piece of advice for me - “Do not forget your parents.” That is all he had to say’. These little words that have influenced my life way more than many others. My inner foolishness has walked up-to and trampled over these words in so many ways throughout my life – and for that I am ashamed. It is sad how easily I forgot to take heed to this simple warning, to love this man who had given me everything that I ever needed. Mothers and fathers are not perfect, but more often than not, their love is unbeatable.
All that my father asked from me was some of that unconditional love. My self-righteousness cost me a lot of good memories over the years. I could have forgiven and loved my father. Love would have taught us to heal our wounds. I hope that nothing in this life should cause my own sons and my daughter to despise me the way I dealt with my father. I cannot imagine living my life without their love. I know now that a good parent never forgets to love a child, even when a foolish child can justify not loving their parent.